YA DEAD. YA DEAAAAAAD.

Obituaries for Tuesday, February 28th

What a sneaky kitty Kat. On Tuesday, the lovely and charming Samantha Cunha was walking by what she thought was a casual conversation, hearing the absolutely melodic voice of one Kat Turley making fake plans with her arms crossed. Sam isn't the suspicious type and it was just so darn inconspicuous, who would have thought Kat had plans? KILLIN' PLANS? Little did anyone know that behind those crossed arms Soot had a secret, a very wet secret. Sam was shot in the boobie by the blonde goddess.
The ever-impressive Hannah Schwartz lopped off Codee Hutchins, or as she so mysteriously calls her, "Codes". I say that we keep a look-out for this silent/deadly killer, as she increases her power, and nickname-giving skills, she could end up taking the game. Codee is at peace now. We asked her assassins ghost for comment, and she responded " OOooOOOooOOoooH I'm a GhOsT". This roughly translates to "my life dream to make the design studio a safe zone, as it rightly shoujld be, has passed, and my soul is at rest." Amen to that.
In our first stand-off shooting that ended in death, Kim Lapidus was shot down by Maggie Kissinger. To her downfall, Kim's gun wasn't working when she went for her safety shot, and the rule in assassins, as in life, is "show me the wet spot". She will be missed!

Shortly after her first kill, Maggie Kissinger fled this world at the hands of our most dramatic non-drama major Alex Leitch.
Another proud kill by my drama buddy Ryan Molloy was Kerry Gaudreau. Kerry enjoyed ponies, long walks on the pier at dawn, romantic music, I'm making all this up, toaster strudel, and potted plants! We're all glad that Kerry's been a very good assassins player, because she has avoided assassins hell: eternity in Pr. Pasupathi's class. It pays to be good!

Alexis Di Gregorio can't swim, and maybe the cunning Fish Harrington knew that when he pulled her under into his fish pond on Tuesday. And it was just. too. deep. We lost the charming lady, and with her, all hope for teaching her how to swim for Ed's class.

We lost one of the best on Tuesday thanks to Zach Leipert. Killip Shaffer has now joined the dead poet's society.... but not the cool part that the movie's about, the dead... poet... part. Well, anywho it was nice knowin' ya, Phil. I can't pity you too much, though, because you don't need assassins! You are suave and have nice fashion sense! That'll get you through life!

Rita I-Think-I-McCann was offed by Zach Leipert. This little train chugged her last choo on Tuesday night, derailed by Dogberry's squirt. The end.

22 dead. 19 left.