Roll the DIEEEEEEE

Only 10 left! oh, oh my heart, it palpitates!!



Mike Rivera thought he was safe in the new Hofstra USA playing the Fast and the Furious, but he was not only in danger of second place or not being given his food within a reasonable amount of time. He was in danger of Christian Titus. Gangles McGee was enjoying a delicious baby outside of Dutch when he saw this ripe non-major walking into the newly renovated hangout. He finished his treat, stood up, and said "Let me take care of this". which he then did. Mike is survived by his hair.
Cody Dericks was getting the rare refuge of sleep when he was kindly awoken by roomate Christian Titus, with a watergun to his lovely body. Always in character, he proceeded to squeegee it off.
Matt "Mengle" Engle's death will have a separate post, with a photograph, to honor its brilliance and beauty. Stay tuned.

Sam Cunha just wanted to see a play. The now-legendary run of The Marriage of Bette and Boo has sold out each night, and Sam Cunha thought she'd get lucky on the standby list. All she really got was an early birthday killing courtesy of Christian Titus. hopefully she drank herself into her 20th to make up for the death of her chances of winning assassins. Oh, and, hey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Matt Calder was killed by our favorite piece of drama lounge furniture,  Fish. Matt Calder had no chance, as Fish hasn't left the lounge to see the sun or bathe in years. We dedicate Fish's next bar of soap to Matt, because logistically, that will probably last years longer than Mr. Calder has. RIP.
Jenna Tanzola was another victim of simply hanging out in the drama lounge; this is Fish's turf. Unfortunately, her asian charms weren't enough to save her life. She is glad to be gone from a world where backpacks are allowed to roll on the ground. She loved dinosaurs and birthdays, and offering to carry books for others.
Hannah Cohen was killed by Conor Burke. she was thrilled, because now she's with God, teaching Him to dance and making Him watch documentaries about dolphins.

Matt "Mav" Mavroides
Was killed so brutally it made him lose his mind. Betrayed by the Burkes, Shea and Conor, he submitted this statement for use in his obituary. We will deeply mourn for Mav and whatever sanity he had before he submitted this incoherent recollection of events to me: "The death of Matthew Mavroides is the most vicious tale of etrayal assassins has ever witnessed. On their anniversary his wife of a 7 years poisoned him during their celeratory dinner after he called out JK Rowling for trolling her fans and that no one cares if an old man was gay os Malfoy had a thing for hermione. Her rother connor disposed of the ody." we pray for him, as well as the "B" button on his phone.

Chris Wentworth was enjoying the beautiful weather on friday and seeing his good old friend Michael Quattrone who had visited to see Bette and Boo. Chris, satisfied with the kills he exacted in the days prior, had his guard down, and when witness Christian Titus wasn't looking, Alex Leitch walked close to Chris and shot him several times. Chris did not notice, so Alex said "you're dead". Chris was at first upset, but then just happy he could make a difference in killing the people he had really wanted to kill.

John Bahrenberg was the first in Christopher Wentworth's mission of vengence this year. Even if Boo wouldn't admit to being "dead drunk", he is definitely dead. According to Chris' statement: "He killed me my freshman year gangster style and I exacted my evil 3 year plan to kill him". Who says BFA's don't have extra time? You CAN get a BFA and hatch a murderous 3 year revenge plan! spread the word!

Max Baudisch was the second in Chris Wentworth's revenge obsession. killed by Max last year, Chris felt blessed he could end Max's assassin's run. Max loved art and life, and he was tolerated by all.

Ali Phillips The final kill of Chris Wentworth, Ali Phillip's assassins run was ended. She was being hunted for her rare, long, Lady Godiva hair, and Chris sought it out as a personal mission, as his dream in life was to be able to walk around topless with his hair covering his nipples. Her hair has been harvested, but she grew it back instantaneously with the power of opera. Rest in Peace.

Kelley Malloy was killed outside of the drama lounge at the hands of Tiffany Sebastian, who became crazed with joy at her kill. Kelley was a production major, kind to all, and will surely be missed.

Tiffany Sebastian Tiff-Dawg was killed at point-blank range in the drama lounge by Sam Cunha. She was mad pissed, but decided it was okay because she killed Kelley Malloy. Her plea to Sam when giving her her next target "Kiiiiill this bitch!" Spoken like a true stereotype! Rest in peace, baby girl.


Current list of dead:

Matt Mavroides
Mike Rivera
Cody Dericks
Matt Engle
Matt Calder
Jenna Tanzola
Ali Phillips
Hannah Cohen
Chris Wentworth
Max Baudishch
John Bahrenberg
Kelley Malloy
Tiffany Sebastian
Sam Cunha
Max Seijas
Maggie Kissinger
Alex Engelson
Steve Jobs
Flynn Harne
Michelle Rizza
Corinne Mestamacher
Pedro Campion

Rest in moist, moist, peace.