Obituaries for... the past... while

Howdy-ho power rangers. It's been a while, And for that we apologize. But BASE conversations and the usual spring-time allergies destroying of my body have seemingly gotten in the way of my duties to you, my loyal friends. But here we are, back-an-attackin'. Alrighty-roo.

 The controversial Stephen Gordon refused to feed Tom Myer's ego by taking his kills. Time and time again, Stephen kept dodging death at Tom's hands, all the while, seemingly not going after anyone himself. Then we lost one of the good ones. Out of nowhere, he turned his gun onto Alan Stentiford, AKA Claudio. I guess he wins the love of Beatrice? Super awkward. Don't think he wants it. Rest in peace, Alan, your death weighs on us heavily, heavily.

. The cat and mouse game between Tom Myers and Stephen was cut short by the pit bull that is the Silent Killer, Dena Kline. She came in and took out Doc Baugh; now maybe he can focus his assassins energy on going to the gym once in a while. I mean, seriously, Tom, we're worried about your health. Maybe being a little more fit will help your low self-esteem. I'm sure you could be almost attractive with a little more muscle. Obesity is a serious problem. Rest in Peace, fatty.

The next to be taken down by the Silent Killer's squirt was Stephen Gordon himself. After Stephen's valiant fight against Tom, it tore him apart to realize he had really been killed. A long talk with Mama Gordon, who was "proud of me for making it so far" helped ease the pain. But we've lost a monument here, folks.

In the long line of the killer Kline's prey, Rachel Levi is the latest. Apparently friendship wasn't enough to stop Kline, a quote from Rachel reads "she betrayed a pact :/ knocked on my door for homework help." I love that sort of ruthlessness. Luckily, however, she was killed straight in the tit, thus making her fit to be enshrined forever on the Tit List, the value of which is immeasurable. I hope to see it on her resume.

Alex Leitch killed Conor "Polaroid Stories" Burke in the lounge while I was there facing the other way. I turned around to Leitch screaming and pointing "he's dead!" in a wildly happy fashion. This kill is really funny to me and I have no real reason for it. It's just one of those times that I realize how, through assassins, we are afforded this rare opportunity to be happy for the deaths of our friends. That's not an everyday thing. Let's cherish it. This is the worst obituary out of all of them. Rest in Peace, Burkey.

It's me, Gary Newman was killed by Shea Wheatley Burke outside of Hauss during the Much Ado party. The opposite of very nice. I made a no killing in the party rule, but Shea killed outside of the party, effectively loopholing herself a kill. I love that. keep that up, slayers. and Gary, you will be missed.

Lots dead. 10 left. END THE HORROR!!