Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Obituaries.
COMING SOON...
If you have any information about these brutal murders, please contact the Spectrum Police Force so we can edit their obituaries accordingly and show these fallen warriors the respect they deserve.
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Bailey Libby was struck down swiftly outside of the bird sactuary while her protection Maldonado briefly looked away and her boyfriend, so shocked by the enconter, did nothing. Her death was complicated and drawn out but finally she fell as they all do. No one knows the identity of the snitch that gave up her location nor the identity of the murder. Top suspects remain the Mozzarella Strangler, the Canoli Killer, and The Gabbagool Assasin.
Mary St. Angelo was discovered dead inside Gallon Wing. Witnesses were nonexistant. One shot was all it took. The One-Shot Killer is currently suspected of her tragic murder, but so far no leads have been reported.
Caitlin Spiess met her untimely end whilst awaiting her audition slot for Rabbit Hole. Her assassin struck with apologetic eyes, but it was a cold blood kill nonetheless.
Maybe these would be better looking on the outside webpage and not just here...i keed i keed
Laura Duell met an untimely death today as she walk wide eyed to her movement class. Though she was quick with the gun and INSISTED that she shot her attacker first, in the end, she fell, as they have all fallen before her. She was rewarded with a hug, she loved to laugh. Suspects include Helen Keller, Shannah Brown, and the Foodstuffs Mafia.
Sean Doonan met his maker today after being lulled into a false sense of security outside liberty republic. His assassin had been staking out his dorm for over two hours when finally the death stroke landed."I knew it!" were heard to be his final words. The only suspects currently under question is John Ball and the Foodstuffs Mafia.
Erika Santosuosso's run of terror besides her loving partner in crime came to an unfortunate end tonight. When a "weight guessing machine" got the best of her better half, the assassin took his kill shot. All Erika wanted was to see a movie and instead she saw red... Her Assassin was heard to be deeply apologetic and there are currently no known suspects.
Matt LeClair was gunned downed in front the Drama Lounge today just before his make up class. A small struggle was apparent but it didn't take long before Mr. LeClair was down and bloodied. His killer was heard whispering "This'll teach yas to mess around in giiiirl classes!" Suspects include the asain girl sitting next to me, and the Gabbagool Assassin.
Alexa Kleiman gave herself up today when she knew she had been nested by a far superior assassin. She retreated from the safety of the NAB with her hands in the air declaring mercy and asking for benevolence. No such benevolence was no where to be found. She was shot. There are no suspects as no real crime was committed.
Alex Rose was brutally killed earlier today after pleading "Please don't, I'm just too pretty to die!" Her assassin did not agree.
It seems that John Vincent Bahrenburg was not killed by his assassin at all. Rumors claim that after partying too hard at the Diz Liz he was knocked unconscious by a fist pumping tool from Tool Academy. Two hours later he was found dead in the bar bathroom with a water spot on his chest. Was it a set up? We may never know...
Maria Camilo, Kira Christoforidis, and Hayley Margulies will all be sorely missed...Nick Pacifico, so - so.
Erica Starr was killed very shortly after loudly proclaiming to her friends the physicaly qualities she finds attractive in a person...She angered one bearded man too many.
Brian Danner, the pacifying martyr that he is, refused to kill anyone. His friends urged him saying "Brian, for the sake of mankind please go out and shoot someone" But he resisted this pressure and said "No! I shall wait until this madness ends or my destiny is met!"...Destiny met him, and met him hard. He will be missed.
Lee Moore was mercilessly slaughtered by her assassin who manipulatively lured innocent lee to her doom with a creative little lie. Lee fell quietly but her ghost is now floating through campus thirsting for revenge. If you cross paths with the ghost of Lee you may suffer a tremendously horrific death by a ghost, her lightsaber, pet dinasour and possibly a ping pong paddle. Good luck to all. The suspect has been decribed as a cross between Yoda, a Heffalump and Richard Simmons.
Lauren Cook was rudely deceived when she was in mid - conversation with a decent looking Arabian gentleman. The two were approached by a man cloaked in a blue hoodie with odd yellow lettering on the back, that Lauren sorely mistook for some type of Arabian symbols. Thanks to her sound reasoning, she assumed that the two were friends and was quite at ease. To her demise, a small blonde haired Irishman appeared from underneath this cloak and shot her dead running away after the deed was done. The Arabian man stood and laughed maliciously.
Matt Mavroides was sadly lured to the roof of Enterprise Tower after receiving a false invitaion to a "Super Secret" D&D match. He reched the top full of excitement and joy, when out of the shadows a strange Psyduck - like figure jumped out at him. Matt, being horribly startled, unfortunately tripped over the roofs ledge and feel to his doom. Realising he wasn't done, the miserable creature of an assassin ran all the way down to the spot where the messy Mavroides lay. Only then did he cruelly and savagely shoot Matthew to finish job.
Kristen Maldonado was unfortunately taken down while feeding a squirrel. Out of her own goodness, she knelt down to feed the famished animal some of her mozzarella sticks from Bits and Bytes. After her service was done she stood up, turned around and was met by an evil, evil, evil, evil man who has no sympathy for the world around him and took no pity on the impoverished squirrel. Angered by Kristen's want to spread her wealth, the rageful, Texan capitalist gunned her down on site and ran away like a coward....Though his hunger was quenched, the squirrel, now covered in blood, couldn't help but cry for the loss of his friend.
However, this evil Texan wasn't done. Not only did he have a hate for sad, weak, little beings, he also could not stand big, and overly contented weight lifters. (Police aren't sure why) Immediately following the death of the benevolent Kristen, this devilish, God - Hater encountered a Travis Youssef. To his misfortune, everyone knows Travis is too enthusiastic about working out at the gym, including his assassin. The shady man pulled up to Travis in a car just as he was getting out of rehearsal and said to Travis "Hey friendo, you look like the kind of dude that spends his time at the gym. Well, I just so happen to be going to a gym myself - care to join?" Travis let out a "Gee golly! I could totally go for a great glutes and hammies workout right now. You bet your bottom dollar I'll join you!" Sadly, Travis was lured into the car thinking he found a new companion, the next day he was found at the bottom of the lake in Eisenhower Park with two 50 lb dumbbells tied around his ankles and a sign around his neck saying "Glutton".
For the record, reports suspect that the assassin of Kristen and Travis is indeed a Texan becasue of the lone - star brands that were found on each of their bodies. Why the brands were necessary? To show teh world how disgusting and vile this man is.
To the surprise of no one, Ben Pike has vanished...It is assumed he is deceased.
Kati Delaney thought she could trust a fellow cast mate. She was very wrong. She will be missed by her fourteen cats.
On the eve of Dani Thomas' 22nd birthday party, an intoxicated and unruly Daria Perrone was taken down just outside of the Plymoth dormitory. Anger got the best of the victim, and she did not go down without a fight. Her assassin was duly attacked before Daria finally fell.
Kira Christoforidis was shot while waiting for an omelet: broccoli and american cheese. Shea Burke jumped out of nowhere and claimed she witnessed the kill, but she sucks at lying. She died slowly in Kristen Maldonado's arms.
Michael Guess was found covered in his own vomit after overdosing on Valium...Obsessive addiction? Or a well conceived murder plot?
In the darkest hours of night, Steve Spera found himself being run down by a big, monstrous, fierce - eyed beast of a human being after exiting the Speigel Theatre. He ran across two quads and stopped in front of Emily Lowe where finally, overwhelmed by the beast's intensity, he submitted. The assassin then broke into the building, took Steven down into the lounge, and double - tapped him execution style. He will be terribly missed.
On her the night of her 22nd birthday, Dani Thomas, out of pure excitement, left herself completely unaware as she visited an undisclosed eating establishment. Dani decided to leave care to the wind and went venturing further into the establishment to proclaim her birthday joy to everyone! Before she knew it, she was separated from her friends. Reports claim they heard an unknown voice shout "Thou art my task, black fury"...When she was found moments later, she lay dead on the floor. The murderer was not apprehended.
Christian Titus was slain whilst having a meeting about future artistic endeavors in the back of Bits and Bytes. He was slain with an aquatic bullet to the heart as he was getting ready to leave. The killer is still at large but there is solace in the fact that Christian died in the name of art.
Chris Wentworth died while emjoying a night at the theatre. He steppped outside for a smoke and to take in the beautiful night sky. The night was a little to dark for poor Chris however. It is assumed that his murderer was hiding in the shadows. While idly smoking, Chris was sadly taken from this sad earth. He was a good man, and he was loved. The mysterious assassin was never found.
Shanna Brown was alone in her house one night, alone, working and studying hard. When Catelynn and Liz returned home, they called for Shanna, but response came. They ran up to her room and found her dead with a Complete Works of Shakespeare clutched in the cold grip of her dead fingers. It was open to the "To be or not to be" speech in Hamlet...It was "not to be" for poor Shanna...The Butler House mystery is still unsolved.
Joe Tonelli, Michelle Rizza, and Erout will be dearly missed.
Ross Greenberg was last reported to have been walking around in a giant, yellow, chicken costume that friends of his called Atticus....He was later found, bloodied and mutilated with peck marks of a bird's beak, or the beaks of many bird's. It seems there was someone out there truly offended by this costume....The young Ross was a mockingbird that was killed just too soon. He will be missed.
Brian Stanco, excited and chipper about working on his audition monologues was walking briskly to Freshman 55. He was so focused on getting to class that he made himself entirely unaware of his surroundings. Unnamed witnesses claim that a creepy figure of a man jumped out of the bushes at Brian, just outside of the Spiegel Theatre. Brian was then shot dead, and the killer fled without anyone attaining his identity....Brian will be terribly missed.
Pat Harmon thought he was invincible. Sadly for him, this was not true. Police refuse to comment on how exactly Pat was killed for it was too gruesome. However, they have stated that he was last seen leaving an "On the Town" rehearsal and was heading to an undisclosed eatery for some dinner. He was found outside of Conlonial Square, with fried chicken and biscuits strewn about....Pat leaves his dear roommate John to live by himself with only Hat to keep him company. But, Pat will be missed by all...Damn ninjas.
It is unsure whether or not Liz Nosewicz was actually killed. She was found stone dead in the design room, wide - eyed, gritted teeth, hand clutching a pencil. Papers were thrown all about the room. Mysteriously, repeatedly scratched into the walls and chalkboard were tbe words "Must finish drafts"....Police suspect David Henderson and Rych Curtiss.
Kristen "Nemo" Nemecek was ironically caught sleeping with the fishes. She will be missed.
In a previous obituary Erin Trout's name was very midtakenly spelled Erout. Though that sounds like a catchy nickname, her family was quite distraught over the matter and asked that the name be corrected.
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